how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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