hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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