You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
