we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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