if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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