whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
