Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
