you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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