I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We have so much sex to catch up on
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
