I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
