My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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