God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
