You're so nebulous sometimes
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
