last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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