I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
