There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
