She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The adults are the big ones right?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
