After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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