I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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