I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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