Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
