god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
