hotel room ftw
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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