you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I got inside last night via doggy door
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize