Where are you?
In a non slutty way
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
