yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
