My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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