I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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