just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
