the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
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BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
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I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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