So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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