Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
