no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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