Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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