he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
