Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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