Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
