the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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