i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i think my cat just said my name.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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