Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
