i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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