You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
