i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
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