Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
