I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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