This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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