yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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