I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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