A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
