I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
