On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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