I love black thongs
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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