She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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