I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
