I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
