so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
