That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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