ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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