and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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