Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
