Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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