Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Quick, to the slutcave!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
