We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
operation have a gay friend backfired
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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