I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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