Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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