1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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